“Most of my Facebook friends detest me”

Stretch, rattle and roll.

Heave ho and here we go.  I have been falling into catatonic stupors recently which have left me paralysed and I’m sorry to say excitable at the same time. What does this mean? Well…..

Grace Jones seems to be benefiting from the AC/DC effect at these moments.  Suddenly she is a diva, whose presence is greatly enhanced by her cool “of the now” music.  Let’s face it though, as a character, which is what she is, isn’t it? is she ? is? As a character, she is a success, but her musical career has been a bit blah.  I saw her play “Pull Up To The Bumper” on Jools Holland Later and I have to say, she was kinda spookily fascinating in her tin foil hat and back light. I wondered what she would have been like as my mother….hmmm

“EAT YA FUCKING BREAKFAST” (Whack)

“Yes, mah” (cry, cry)

“DON”T CALL ME FUCKING MAH EITHER YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

“mmmyes” (hush, hush)

I shook myself awake from that little dream and thought about Nazis and their impact on the lives of Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand. Silly boys but if the nation of sex comedies and invasion start to clean up their act and enforce common decency as national policy, where next for Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, Dara O’Briain, Paul Merton etc etc

They will become pariahs like Chris Morris. They will be branded dirty paedophiles by sycophantic radio djs and remorselessly be forced to sort themselves out or they will go to hell in a handcart. It sounds sort of like 1950s Ireland.  The BBC would want to be a careful here. Since Channel 4 stop producing any sort of meaningful product, the BBC entertainment has provided prime time dancing insanity for one section of its viewers and fair to mediocre to occasionally excellent entertainment to the section of its audience who don’t want to vote for something while they’re eating their grits and beans.

Ross can be an extraordinary shitmuncher when he wants to be, but he cheerfully sits there and take abuse too from feisty guests, recent examples include Dara O’Briain and Sarah Silverman.  American presenters like Jay Leno or the odious Conan O’Brien would kill to have a tiny whisker of Ross’s personality.  He also appeals across the generational divide. Public Service Broadcasting demands morality, ballroom dancing and the creepy sitting styles of the Match of the Day coven.

Tipper Gore could be called in to do a PMRC type revolution. It didn’t really work for her. Too many of us freaks cuss and spit and brush our hair wrong. “Satanic” heavy metal in the 1980s didn’t hasten the apocalypse and watching pink shiny dildos on Graham Norton will not render the world useless in a “let’s all be gay” epidemic. However, sitting around with your hand down your pants, muttering under your breath about morality on your radio or television will only lead to the setting up of dangerously far right groups who will shut down your access to quality product, will rid your country of immigrants and will eventually turn your pious children into vicious little nazi punks with mobiles and Ugg boots.

Stretch wants to buy a star like one Murray bought for the band in “Flight of the Conchords.”

2 thoughts on ““Most of my Facebook friends detest me”

  1. you’re fuckin nuts my man. jibberish, it’s all jibberish. mind you your grasp of the english language is impressive nonetheless.

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