Stretch Fucked right the fuck off!
There is a show on the channel of Alternative Leprechaunia that involves what Bill Hicks would describe as “pituitary retards,” who have been given money by their “oh god the condom broke” parents to go to Americalia and to what these fucking rabbits would call partay. An infestation with thick accents as others would call it. They rob, get fuck-off sunburn and generally louse about the place and some teilifis relation decided it would be really fun to have this kind of show on their moribund channel. It’s not all bad. There’s the odd second when you think, no, these crazy kids will learn something and be enlightened by visiting a police state. Then, like a bolt of utter despair, the realisation dawns that these red-arm, white-chested morons existed when Stretch was that age too. There was no enlightenment. These awful little crammers became the right wing mutts who now drive around in ancient BMWs, thinking that they’ve made it because they found the one fucking company who would insure them. They drive around with their mirror shades and peroxide blond partner whose sunglasses have a plastic logo on them bigger than the fucking car, all the time masturbating to the celebrity pages of the Daily Fucking Mail.
Whoooo, sorry about that. What actually prompted me to write this piece of midlife crisis angst was the scene where a bunch of pasty monsters were “partaying” in the sea on some kinda bouncy device. I sat there, bored, asking myself why am I watching this, when the opening chords to Pavement’s “Summer Babe” came on. I threw my rum at the fake fireplace and gobbed on the television screen. Of all the fucking songs they could have played they picked one which was from my time. These mobile phone sponsored festival assholes have the Christian Kings of Leon, Coldplay, Akon, Justin Timberlake, Snow Patrol (Backwater, feel ripped off) and other names for teeth rattling and sending to their rapist BEBOites.
Leave my fucking generation alone, you have yours, now stay there! Fight this generation!
I need to get out more.