The people who wrote the second Harold and Kumar movie can’t be the same people who wrote the first one, right? Why is Neil Patrick Harris so good in so much shit?
Stretch endured five minutes of a Girls Aloud Christmas special the other night and my partner in crime commented that even though they were probably only in their twenties, those girls already look like mutton dressed up as lamb or old slappers in common parlance. They are all really weird looking people and the Cheryl one is maybe more weird looking than the rest. What defines beauty these days, jesus? Fake tan disaster scenes.
Do kids aspire to look like these tone deaf wretches? Are kids really plastering that much make-up on themselves to hide the reality within? Should I be watching the Girls Aloud special in the first place? Putting five monkeys on a stage and forcing them to sing live is really bad for karma.
It also occurred to me while watching five minutes of a movie starring the skeletal Olsen twins that I really shouldn’t be watching these teenagers being kooky, at my age. Anyway, there was an appearance from Jack Osbourne, and it got me to thinkin. It must be really shit being an Osbourne child. Ozzy is a rock legend, Sharon, successful manager and
whorish motherfigure, but the kids, how useless are they? They can’t even do drug addiction and alcohol problems properly. I suppose a life knowing that you will never get even a millionth of the respect your parents have must be pretty distressing thing. So, my message to the Osbourne runts is this. Nobody cares about you, you’re not talented and frankly not very rock’n’roll. Be like your sister, DON’T TRY, QUIT IT, LURK IN THE ETERNAL SHADOW OF YOUR PARENTS and take solace in the fact that you are rich, untalented, but y’know, rich. That should be enough for anyone.