AngerStretchuplate. I am the Law, please don’t fuck with me no maw!
As the child of Lindsay and Robert Wagner (the only man who she didn’t wear out after three years), I
know a lot about fascism. And fascism make Stretch angry. For other stuff making Stretch angry, see below.
What happened to stuff? What happened to years ago? What happened to the good stuff? What happened to the good ol days, stoned off my roofsicle and watching good shit on TV? There was also shit, but not as much shit as now. To a gibbon, that’s more shit than you can take.
The cult of celebrity has got to a stage where it’s depressing to wake up everyday. Nobody is famous anymore. I may as well be fucking famous and I’m a goddam gibbon.
Example is Shooting Stars Anniversary Special: Thank the lord above or between or beneath for Matt Lucas as George Dawes. Otherwise the show was bad. Real bad. Jack Dee, along with Frank Skinner must be on his knees a lot at the BBC.
“What panel show am I doing today? It’s too big. I have mouth ulcers.”
Stretchnolikethebadthingsinmyheadarguewiththereasonableandcreatetensionswhichcausedama getosmallreptilesandchristmaslightsandfilthydvdsandgarthbroksandjonimitchell’ssisterthe plumberbrenda.
Ulrika Johnson wore makeup like the girls I knew when I was 15. Jesus. She was the only one of the original captains to bother to show up. The celebrity guest were famous if you were glued by your anus to a Sky box twenty-four hours of the fucking day. Vic Reeves is not funny anymore. Fair enough, but to be on a recent show standing in a swimming pool avoiding shapes is pathetic. I still like Bob though, always did, always will.
Anyway, I watched Rich Hall’s Otis Lee Crenshaw and it soothed me, because my hex is broken. Lately, comedians’ dvds have been a really bad development. When the camera is in, the pressure to be funny is obviously getting to these people. Bill Bailey is a hero of mine, but his latest “Tinselworm” at Wembley is so fucking tiring, I wanted to turn it off. I checked out the extras and there are a couple of clips from his Dublin show which made me laugh more than anything on the epic main feature.
I don’t know, Stretch will come back soon in better humour but the world had been overtaken by grinning felching freaks and I is not havin it. Yeah. And by the way, Stephen bolloxing Gately. We always knew you were gay. Nobody cared! But since you’ve finally come out you just seem like a toxic botoxed turd. Stop being such a simpering midget and get back to being fucking banal.
At what time do children go to bed these days? Bleeping has become the norm for shows even at midnight. Ray Bradbury would be spinning in his grave, if he was a deaded. Sorry about all this, both of you, but I need to get stuff offamychest.
Well, I might hate these two soon, but for the moment they soothe me and I needasoothing. Don’t tell Joe Duffy though. He a big hairy fascist and he will kill us all evenchewally. Raaar.