I got into pills! Yeah? Well so did everybody else

It’s really hard to feel sorry for moany Eminem, the rapper and famous white man.

Smile bitch. You have it real good

Smile bitch. You have it real good

Really, does he have it so bad?

He’s rich.

He has many beanies.

He quit and came back again…and again..

He’s got two earrings, which means he’s not gay, which is lucky for him, cause I don’t think he likes the gays. Jonathan Ross’s Four Poofs and a Piano idiots didn’t quite get this on Ross’s show last night. Actually those tools don’t seem to get much. Singing along to every fool that’s put in their way. They’ll be the backing band for the fourth reich without realising it.

Like most rich people, he can become an alcoholic, a pill-popper or an out-and-out heroin addict, knowing that his money will buy him out of it. Plus he will make more money out of the next album, newspaper article or even autobiography which will tell all about his addictions.

Although he can probably punch real hard, he prefers to word-off. Ow, that clause using no contractions hurt. Ow, put your perfect tense down. Slammed in the face by the Modh Coinníollach.  If that would happen,  I would be fucking ashamed. Goddamit, ow! You dissed me in front of my people. Ow. Oh, you’re finished. Well, we’ll be at the bar, cause the night’s not over yet and I am physically able to continue, but my mind is wankered. Ah well. Oh it’s yer song.  Wait for it. Duh duh duh, dah dah dah, duh duh duh “the musik, the moby, the mooby, the boby, the baby, the laby, the roby. I aint never gonna make my cat sick, no. no, no” (actual eminem lyrics)

Emenemenemenema is part of collection of rappers whose music has basically taken what was a really cool art-form and turned it into a world dominating marketing exercise. A global brand turning average small people from small countries into tracksuit wearing capitalists, while completely losing the point of the source material. Rapping about the injustices of the globeland while forcing small children to sew E-M-I-N-E-M into sneakers or runners as we call them here, cause SNEAKERS to Irish people has something to do with Sidney Poitier. Ah, Sidney Poitier. I love that man.

BUT, he has no sense of humour.

If you take away the music, all he really is a whining noise. A cleverer Vanilla Ice, which isn’t saying much.

8 Mile was not that good. No credit was given to Mekhi Phifer’s hair around that movie. It acted everyone right off the screen. In every scene that hair appeared, you were immediately drawn to it, making you forget that this was a movie about a petulant child who could speak quickly and whose MOM looked nothing like him. I thought it would receive an Oscar.

Above also proves he can’t act. It turns out that all that pouting was just him. Big pouty bitch. Stop pouting. Bad childhood, get over it, it’s over now, you are RICH. Shut up. Nobody is ever going to feel sorry for a rich person.

Although, for me, it could be just a matter of taste. I’ve always loved hip-hop, secretly listening to Grandmaster Flash as a kid all the while wearing an Anthrax t-shirt (who knew?), but I find a lot of the superstar rappers offensively bland..There is always the underground….Like Anti-Pop Consortium on Warp records.

Anti-Pop Consortium. Eminemesis

Anti-Pop Consortium. Eminemesis

I first heard of these guys through a recommendation and was really happy to hear this rhythmic poetry over a soundtrack of warp-like sounds. It puts your faith back in hip-hop or what “I’m not racist, but” people call hippity-hoppity music, slapping their knees and falling toward a fascist state, while beating their chests every time they smell Dana. Note that European elections are on between the 4th and 7th of June. Watch Europeans accidentally slip back toward the extreme right and point at themselves saying “Who me?” when their war crimes are read to them…It will happen.. (Stretch Macgibbon would like to point out here that he is drinking rum and looking through a dirty window at dark clouds. This could be affecting his mood and anyone who believes his apocalyptic views are going to come true should step back (mind the chair) and go fuck themselves).

Anti-Pop Consortium are a four piece hip-hop outfit as my counting abilities suggest. They have released Arrhthmia, The Ends against the Middle and Tragic Epilogue and are working on a new album.

APC have worked with the Jazz pianist Matthew Shipp. Beans went solo and became my hero (see one of my other mlogs, I’m not telling you which one. Read them all. It won’t take long). They are not Eminem. They don’t have to slag off Jessica Simpson, cause she’s not really in their world.

This is how they describe themselves.

“Cutting edge innovators to a broad spectrum of listeners including b-boy purists, experimental electronic heads and indie rockers, Anti-Pop Consortium’s return is anticipated to fill a creative void in not only hip hop, but music as a whole. They have been praised for their stream-of consciousness lyrics, their ability to give seemingly unrelated word clusters hidden meaning, and their sonic backdrops that provide the perfect canvas for their lyrical paintings.”

That’s kinda what I was trying to say.

They aren’t rich.

They won’t be playing Slane.

Finally, they don’t have Mekhi Phifer’s hair and that’s their only real fault.

I’m going to shut up now and have another mojito. Using rum which puts a red spot behing your head. You should see it, it’s dazzling! El Culto A La Vida!

The best thing about Anti-Pop Consortium for me though is that I am going to see them tonight in WHAYLENS.

Woohoo

I introduce “Perpendicular”

I introduce “What am I?”

By the way, anyone who hasn’t seen this, should, even if you don’t like soccer, this is a bit especiale

Wofsburg for the Bundesliga!

One thought on “I got into pills! Yeah? Well so did everybody else

  1. hey bitch! played the apc song ‘perpendicular’ the same time as the wolfsburgh goal. the overdub effect strangely works very well. try it. enjoy ur mojitos fucker. ciao

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