Even though Stuart Goddard’s madder than a bag of magic hammers, he was my first real icon as a small
Stretch. All the cool kids grew up on hardcore and post punk, but I just didn’t have access to that kinda music. Instead, I had to sift through the best of what Top of the Pops had to offer. This is something the little shrews of today don’t quite get. They have so much access, where can they find a path? Where?
I thought Adam and the Ants were so cool. I mean, being dressed as a highwayman seemed perfectly reasonable to a six-year old monkey like myself. I demanded, from my parental monkey shapes, an album of this musical phenomenon. Oddly, they granted my wish, buying me the album Prince Charming. It had the best names for songs my little mind could cope with, including “Picasso Visita El Planeta De Los Simios,” “Mile High Club” and the first time I came across the word, “S.E.X.” I had no idea what it meant. but fuck me, it sounded cool. So much so, that I would spell out S.E.X. to anybody I would meet. This earned me respect from some quarters and a suspected broke jaw from others.
You ask most cool folk these days where their love of hip-hop came from and they’ll tell you:
“Aw yeah, Grandmastermelliemelsugaspicerundmcbeastiemixmixmix aw yeah, huh-huh huh-huh”
Me: “Ant Rap.” It was the first time I heard rap. It was jaunty and clipped and I had no idea it was invented by black people. I thought it had formed from hanging out in Epping forest.
So, Adam and the Ants provided me with an introduction to punk, post punk, rap and of course new romantica (both music and ice cream).
As I sit here, feeding Calvin Harris, smirk by smirk, to my pet Piranha, Jessica Fletcher, I am reminded of the words of Stewie Goddard, a musician, poet and certifiable lunatic.
“We’re the Dandy Highwaymen
So tired of excuses
of deep meaning philosophies
where only showbiz loses
We’re the Dandy Highwaymen
and here’s our invitation
throw your safety overboard and join our insect nation!”
I think that sums up what I mean. Here you go, Jessica Fletcher, eat his shades. I know they were stuck to his greasy-gelled-quiffy hair, but after the hard time you had eating his skinny jeans, this will help with digestion.