The Scarecrow and Mrs Asshole

Smile scarecrow or I'll claw your eyes out

So, it turned out Kate Jackson was a complete bitch.

Her smoggy, 40-a-day smoker’s voice had the world enthralled. What was her character, but a kooky gal in the wrong place..We loved her..I loved her.

However, guess what? Stretch found out that she was a fish-wife. Laying into people as if they were mere radishes in her salad bowl. A controversial choice in the first place, but knowing her incessant rage could become a problem to their cadillacs, the producers of the SCAMK show relented and decided that Jackson should be the Mrs King. Bette Midler, Amy Irving’s ghost and the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader team were said to be disgusted and “furious.”

Midler claimed she never watched one episode, but preferred to turn her back to the screen and wait the full 50 minutes until the show was over. She would then drink whiskey and eat pop tarts. Amy Irving’s ghost just wandered around and scared the shit out of Jackson’s tiny cocker spaniel, Tito. Reports recently confirmed that the dog was named after the architect of the second Yugoslavia, rather than Jackson’s dubious claim that it was Tito Jackson.

Her viciousness and the abandonment of the show coincided when she went to work on Bruce Boxlightener with a lump hammer. The producers had had enough and decided to park far from the studio lot. Then they fired her. Her revenge was swift and for two days in 1984, all the folk of Hollywood locked their doors. (First time ever). If your bins crashed outside, it could be Kate Jackson. If the dog barked at the front door, don’t open it. It could be Kate Jackson.

Eventually an ex-communist mercenary called Vlad Ivostock overpowered her while she was eating sushi or something raw at a trendy restaurant. To the delight of fearful guests, he stuck a hunting knife into her solar plexus and ran into the night. Bruce Boxlightener was later found in a large tupperware container in her basement. He later asked police if the bitch was dead. They said, “Yeah.”

Tito Jackson relaxing before the recording of his first album entitled "I hate those fucking Croats and other Christmas Standards"

3 thoughts on “The Scarecrow and Mrs Asshole

  1. Stretch is the subject of some serious man-lovin’ over at scarecrowandmrskingforum. Remember the three Ls Stretch: lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.

  2. Yo. Big love to the ladies over there. They make my eyes water with sexy feelings. Like the way Bruce’s pants get tighter when he see crazy bitch. It’s love with a capital SCARECROW

  3. Pingback: Scaaaaaaaaarryyyveggg « Stretch MacGibbon's Magical Musical Mlog

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