My name’s Sheila and my boyfriend’s a DJ

comes running in to the flat and says to me, you gotta hear this. He pulls out a vinyl record with a price tag of 60 fucking euro on it and says to me, you really gotta hear this. The record goes on and for the next minute of my life all I can hear is tat-tat-putat-tat tat as if someone left a fucking tap dripping in my cerebral cortex. He’s all grins, going that’ll sound fucking great on my Astral Dreamworld Goa remix. I sigh and think of other men…

I wasn't doing anything

He’s not home, so I take advantage and put on a Nina Simone album on his decks which now take up most of MY living room. I’m in the bedroom reading a book relaxing and just being, with the sound of Nina in the background wafting into me. Nice to have these moments. Nice to listen to my music, real music. I didn’t hear him come in. Bang! I hear a gigantic crunch and a whuch-whucha whucha, whacka-whack-whaka and enormous beats come in. I don’t believe it, he’s remixing my fucking record. For fuck sake. I run out to the living room and the prick is standing there with a set of headphones to one ear and he’s killing, I mean killing a dead woman’s music. I scream at him to turn it off. He says, no wait til you hear this ..it switches to some other song with ridiculous break beats but with Nina playing over it.

He smirks at me as if I’m a child and says, “Bump and grind babe, bump and grind.”

“What a complete prick!” I mutter, and think of other men…

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