Stretch is officially nuts or sumthin similar.
A sparkling flying mongoose landed on the bonnet of my car, Ray Bradbury, stared in the window and said to me with the voice of Iggy Pop,
“Stretch, you got it wrong. You always got it wrong. Time to check back in”
It occurred to me that this meant something as I veered across two lanes toward a truck. Watching Any Human Heart last night, I wondered about my other selves and whether they are watching ME? If they are, then where’s the help boys?
Aaargh, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers just appeared in front of my eyes (cocaine, golden retrievers, broken legs, Christmas lights…story for another time). He can be so fucking odious…aarrgh. Go away Meyers, go away…
What is Strectho to do?
Selective mind-pulses tell me to stop writing and hunt members of Take That until they just stop, just stop… How many new Michael Jackson records, before he pops out of the grave and starts Thrillerising people? How can a pair from Limerick get a million views of a hilarious video when Xfactah exists? How come evrytime I think of the National I get a sore throat? How come J Mascis and Bob Mould make me feel really old? How come Ronan Keating is younger than me, how’d that happen? How will history judge Pirates of the Carribbean? How come Gerard Butler can’t even do a Scottish accent? How come the things that make me feel good are not allowed? How come my dog is talking to me? Be quiet, I’m trying to sleep… Shut up Jacimo, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Why do I have a spot on my knee which looks like Barbara Streisand? Why does Barbara Streisand have a spot on her knee that looks like me? What links us, eh?
Some rhythm and blues guy, said “Everybody plays the fool, sometimes.”
Well, what if they play it like a professional fucking sportsman? well?
Iggy Mongoose is sitting in front of me drinking Vanilla and Chamomile tea, pointing his finger at me and snarling.
“Things have changed munki. Things have changed.”
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