No matter what happens, our President is going to be Gay


With the election looming and the far-right victorious in ousting people’s favourite deviant, David Norris, from the campaign, it seems the only way left is to put up Gaybo. A man once described as forgotten but not gone. His eventual elevation into the premier pointless position in the country will at least stop the chances of Gay Mitchell, a man so po-faced that his own face seems to have rejected him.

Anyway, it’s an awful amount of gays for one election.

As per usual, dirty tricks involved in Irish presidential campaigns are completely out of keeping with the banal nature of the position. If the same criteria were used in other elections or even the choosing of bank-heads or the watchdogging of the Catholic Church, then this country would be far from the burnt out shell it is now.

So, vote for a Gay and just make sure there’s nothing in his or her past that can compromise the position of President. When our President meets a foreign dignitary, you do not want the national shame of our incumbent being asked whether it was true that they inserted a live hedgehog up their anus while visiting a children’s hospital.

Even if it was true, you just don’t want the question asked.

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