Wanna impress the neighbours? Wanna see the blood drain from the local priest’s face? Wanna see your Rabbi go tut, tut, tut, tut? You know what to do. Buy this, no, really this. Then when you’re getting your drink on with the wife, husband or (enter preference here degenerate), you can teach the child to go “Slainte” or “cheers,” maybe rename him Norm. When putting him to bed, you can ring a bell and shout final orders. Oh the fun you will have. Or just sit beside him and bang on about what a shit day you had, how marketing are expecting too much or that Tom doesn’t respect you anymore. Sound good? Of course it does idiot. In this world where everyone has a thousand Facebook friends, you come to realise pretty quick that none of these people will attend your funeral, so why not throw it all on the child. You will at least have one person standing over your coffin who truly loved and understood you. (Warning: that person may be very, very drunk). Slainte!