Stretchcast Volume 3: from Git to Grit to Git a bit

A small bird flew up to me today and said,

“Stretch! The people need to know.”

I said, “What little terrapin?”

He say, “Theese Stretch theeeeeeessseee.”

1. Pan Sonic  – Trepanointi/Trepanation (Gravitoni) 2  Death from Above 1979 – Dead Womb  (Heads Up) 3. Gun Club – Carry Home (Miami) 4. Kid Congo and the Pink Monkey Birds – Rare as the Yeti (Dracula Boots)  5. Mouse on Mars feat Mark E Smith – Cut the Gain (Wipe That Sound Feat. Mark E. Smith) 6. Beans – Blue Movie (End it all) 7. Caribou – Sun (Swim)  8. Holy Fuck  Bontempi Latin (Holy Fuck)  9. Meat Beat Manifesto -Mnemonic (Answers Come in Dreams)  10. Broadcast – Tender Buttons (Tender Buttons) 11. Bad Brains – Leaving Babylon (Bad Brains)  12. Asian Dub Foundation – Power of Ten (A History Of Now) 13. !!! (chk chk chk) – The Hammer (Strange Weather, Isn’t It?) 14. Wire – Moreover (Red Barked Tree) 15. Loka – The beauty in darkness (Ninja Tune XX Vol. 2)

Downloadable it be (Click arrow on side of Soundcloud)

u got rhythm? well?

This is how to do it…

spill the beans

Beans arriving at the Ploughing Championships fashionably late. Too late...

News has reached my munki ears that Beans has signed for the Anticon label, home to such geniuses as Alias, Baths, Themselves, Why? and Sole. The former Warp records Senor is planning to release an album in Feb 2011. Fans of waving your hands in the air like this rejoice. A hero of my own self, although I’m still trying to get to grips with his last record. It was a bit odd. Seemed to be an apology and then more apologising and then some funky tunes. So, with loads of help including Four Tet, the cold days of February will see this funky munki walk down the street ALL street…like. As I always say, Beans is the only artist to ever give me back half my money because fuck all people turned up to his gig. If I was cool, I would say WORD. But I am not.

Shits on children...mmmhmmm

I just saw a man called Michael Grimm shit all over a ten-year-old’s dreams. It made me sad and happy at the same time, coz her dreams weren’t worth shit.

Speaking of… Emma Bunton of scruffy throwback foursome the Spice Girls, is pregnant again. She claims that she has girlpowerful ovaries and a vicious parental streak in her. She also claims to eat 15 small tins of baked beans every day, which give her girlpowerful wind chills. Reports that her first child’s nanny garotted herself at a birthday party have been viciously denied. She has never met the rapper Beans, but in future will wave her hand in the air like that. Emma Bunton, a burden on us all. Bless her.

And nor forgetting, Finalellllly: pitchfork.com has just announced that another bunch of men or women sporting beards and wearing colourful BO ridden cardigans will release extremely personal but completely vague albums about all the shit they’ve experienced during the 21 years they’ve been hanging around this smelly planet. Each to their own wha?

Maybe I’m getting old, but everytime I see Pete Doherty, I think of how dirty his fingernails are.

People who are appalling this week: Durthy Neil Prendeville; Evil family-man Dave Grohl, for reforming Nirvana including Kurt Cobain; the Garrrrrrdeee who attacked those students, bad Garrrrrrdeee; the students themselves for generally being annoying and bad filmmakers; the students again for acting like we live under an oppressive regime; Stretch for his addiction to haggis, bad munki, bad munki.

Is this what you really are scared of? Wasn’t even the Garrrrddeee from Donegal.

 

Bad Garrrdeeee and Good Garrrrdeeee? Which ones evicted the old woman from her shoe? Not as easy as you think. The old woman was a right bitch. How does the Garrrdeeee deal with such an issue? If you believe it was the Garrrrdeee on the left, turn to page 47. If you believe it was the Garrrrdeee on the right, turn to Exodus 14:7 where you will receive a good talking to.Bad christian, bad. Put it down or we'll bait'ye ye hippy, overfed tossers. Anyone can get a degree. Even me

beans meanz

My yearly tribute to Beans. I love Beans. I would not be able to go into explaining the process by which Beans makes me fart. There may be children reading.

oh good fuck, how wwwwwwwrong

Usual mental stuff. Always with the Joe Mantegna Bell’s Palsy or the Jennifer Carpenter Bell’s Palsy, but…

Today’s search item of the day: Irish charms for bell’s palsy

That won’t work. Electrolysis and massage and Steroidys. Oh yeah, that’s the only way to get the face man movin.

I forgot! I was fascinatingly beautied reminded today that Anti-Pop Consortium are playing tonight and I cannnnot go. Goddam tha anitsownself. Not happy, not coz of Bell’s Palsy either, Joe and Jennifer. Here’s what I’m missing kinda, thanks to Four Tet. It’s like electro-cosmic-hip-hop-or-sumthin. I think they maybe a littul wasted at the interview stage down below. I think I may be a littul wasted too as the keys are hard to find right now. I missin them in a global way. totally wired and out.

and the genius Matthew Shipp

and here they are themselves, those that be them that is they

Chok Rock to Rock Chok

Stretch say click here!

It's Chok Rock

It's Chok Rock

Give it Up!

Anyway, time travel is really a pointless activity. If you travel back in time, you will be ostracised, be called a witch or warlock and be murrrderrred. If you go forward in time, people will think that you are a complete idiot and murrrderrr you. Leave well enough alone. Pensez-vous?

While eating a choc-ice the other day and listening to “Rock’n’roll” by the Velvet Underground, a thought entered my mind out of nowhere. Ou est Chok Rock?

Not the most well known of groups on planet Franche, but damn good. Only releasing one EP doesn’t count for much these days but the quality in that little release has made them Stretch heroes.  They are/were lead by Gael Baillier and feature well known crooner Camille Bazbaz, which is the name I plan to give little Stretch when he or she pops out. I mean what a great fucking name. You just don’t get names like that here. I bet Jesus would’ve loved that name, might have made him more popular.

These peops played support to “Mr Ballbeam” BEANS a couple of years ago in Eamon Dorans in Dubalin. A really cool gig even though there were only a scattering of people at it. I spent the whole gig with my arm leaning on the bar with a perfect view of proceedings. Only male gibbons dream of this. It was part of a Warp records weekender type event which are all too unfamiliar on these shores these days. On a drunken rampage, we arrived at the door and were given half our money back because fuck all people showed. A warm feeling was created inside me, which I will never repeat, not in company anyway.

Chok Rock came on and just looked cool. A strange combination of characters. Bazbaz was

Chok Rock - Big City Loser

Chok Rock - Big City Loser

wearing an enormous scarf which covered his entire head while guitarist Cyril Kebellian was dressed like an English soccer hooligan. Shit, it really is hard to explain how cool these Parisiens were: electro, indie cool, beaucoup Franchey, a graphic design sensibility and they just seemed to enjoy being Chok Rock.

Say you wandered into a cool hotel in Paris and were having a great night out and your brain was all happy happy and you liked every person you were out with and the drinks you were drinking were hitting the right spot and you wanted to listen to music but not  house or rap or aggresive rock band stuff. You stood there with your enormous white russian and on comes Chok Rock and all you could do was smile to yourself and say, “thank the lord I’m human, a rabbit would never appreciate this shit!” Being cool and feeling cool are two completely different things and it’s best to aim for the latter.

Anyway, I demand you click here and buy the EP (Eur3.99, the price of a pint, though not in Paris), shtick it on yer music device and with the cocktail of your choice and just enjoy 28 minutes of Franche cool. Excuse me if I’m gushing but I gotta do it. This band have to know they are loved and come back….

Speaking of gushing, many years ago a Small Stretch woke up in the middle of the night screaming “The Mexicans are coming, the Mexicans are coming.” Ol Mama Stetch ran in to the room to see what was the cause of the night terrors. When she figured it out, she could never look me in the eye again.