Gurnvana: The rise of the circle jerk

tumblr_ld45e3FSCK1qcimfxo1_500_thumb

Well, if you are Sean Archer, then I must be Castor Troy.

The concert for Sandy unlike all other charity concerts to support the egos of bored musicians, contained a Nirvana reunion. Slovenly crack-addict Courtney Love claimed to be “not amused” by the reunion, assuming that she had been asked whether she thought it would be a “comedy event.”  Love expected more “jokes.”

The smack-yo-face-smile-on-a-stick Paul McCartney, whose previous foray into grunge resulted in him cleaning the grime off the entrance to Heather Mills wooden leg, introduced Grohl, Pap Smear and Christ Novasleicissfadasvsbsfasafvsvcvv (or nearest spelling) and bashed through the longest Nirvana song ever invented. It went on for so long that the one interested man up front nodded his own head straight off. The “surviving” members of Nirvana, as they are now referred to,  looked a world away from the edgy outfit who released  Bleach all those years ago. Dave Grohl is now so nice that his very prescence in a room can ensure that nobody will ever die and there’ll always be a drummer at hand.

The rest of the concert went off quietly. Following Chris Martin and Michael Stipe shitting all over “Losing my Religion,” Alicia Keyes finally dueted with Henry Rollins and Bruce Springsteen didn’t die, again.

compared to

and here they are in Dubalin circa 1992. I was at this gig. I am old.

Peel slowly and see

Hey! Cheeky!

Well that didn’t last long. Soundcloud removed the user. anyways

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dudos! Muchos Kudos por los dudos whose puts up many, many John Peel shows on soundcloud. Clicks on the many, many wonderful shows above and pretend you are a teenager again, stoned, sitting in a bedroom full of christmas lights, cigarettes and a sense of hope for the future. You can listen to a huge selection of his shows ranging from 1967 to 2004. This is a good place for confused people who always asked Stretch, “Hey Stretch. That music you listen to. Loike where do you find that stuff? Is there loike a place where all you weird munkis dressed in black go to loike circle jerk and listen to music no one cares about? Why can’t you be normal and listen to Ryan Adams or Scooooooter?” That dudo didn’t make it, but for all you other dudos in need of a slappo, this might be the beginning of a special course in cultural delousing.
As me Da used to say, “John Peel, wha!” All you need now is for Dave Grohl to start crying again.

spill the beans

Beans arriving at the Ploughing Championships fashionably late. Too late...

News has reached my munki ears that Beans has signed for the Anticon label, home to such geniuses as Alias, Baths, Themselves, Why? and Sole. The former Warp records Senor is planning to release an album in Feb 2011. Fans of waving your hands in the air like this rejoice. A hero of my own self, although I’m still trying to get to grips with his last record. It was a bit odd. Seemed to be an apology and then more apologising and then some funky tunes. So, with loads of help including Four Tet, the cold days of February will see this funky munki walk down the street ALL street…like. As I always say, Beans is the only artist to ever give me back half my money because fuck all people turned up to his gig. If I was cool, I would say WORD. But I am not.

Shits on children...mmmhmmm

I just saw a man called Michael Grimm shit all over a ten-year-old’s dreams. It made me sad and happy at the same time, coz her dreams weren’t worth shit.

Speaking of… Emma Bunton of scruffy throwback foursome the Spice Girls, is pregnant again. She claims that she has girlpowerful ovaries and a vicious parental streak in her. She also claims to eat 15 small tins of baked beans every day, which give her girlpowerful wind chills. Reports that her first child’s nanny garotted herself at a birthday party have been viciously denied. She has never met the rapper Beans, but in future will wave her hand in the air like that. Emma Bunton, a burden on us all. Bless her.

And nor forgetting, Finalellllly: pitchfork.com has just announced that another bunch of men or women sporting beards and wearing colourful BO ridden cardigans will release extremely personal but completely vague albums about all the shit they’ve experienced during the 21 years they’ve been hanging around this smelly planet. Each to their own wha?

Maybe I’m getting old, but everytime I see Pete Doherty, I think of how dirty his fingernails are.

People who are appalling this week: Durthy Neil Prendeville; Evil family-man Dave Grohl, for reforming Nirvana including Kurt Cobain; the Garrrrrrdeee who attacked those students, bad Garrrrrrdeee; the students themselves for generally being annoying and bad filmmakers; the students again for acting like we live under an oppressive regime; Stretch for his addiction to haggis, bad munki, bad munki.

Is this what you really are scared of? Wasn’t even the Garrrrddeee from Donegal.

 

Bad Garrrdeeee and Good Garrrrdeeee? Which ones evicted the old woman from her shoe? Not as easy as you think. The old woman was a right bitch. How does the Garrrdeeee deal with such an issue? If you believe it was the Garrrrdeee on the left, turn to page 47. If you believe it was the Garrrrdeee on the right, turn to Exodus 14:7 where you will receive a good talking to.Bad christian, bad. Put it down or we'll bait'ye ye hippy, overfed tossers. Anyone can get a degree. Even me