Stretchcast Volume 4: More Skittish than Hashish

But other than that, we had a lovely day


Latest mixage

1: Battles – Africastle (Gloss Drop)
2. M83 – Midnight City (Hurry up, we’re dreaming)
3.Warpaint – Undertow (The Fool)
4. Grinderman – When my baby comes (Grinderman2)
5. Amon Tobin – Rosies (Out from out where)
6. Laurent Garnier – Gnanmankoudji (Tales Of A Kleptomaniac)
7. Shit Robot – Take em up (From the Cradle to the rave)
8. Two lone Swordsmen – Rattlesnake Daddy (Wrong Meeting)
9. Pavement – Perfect Depth (Westing by Musket and sextant)
10. The Fall – Paranoia Man in a cheat shit room (The Infotainment Scan)
11. NeuNegativland (Neu)

Downloadable it be (Click arrow on side of Soundcloud thingy)

shit and more shit

Squishy…shit…more shit…then shit all over the place.

Parenting is nothing more than developing a tolerance for shit

The sexiest woman in this crop... made to make your mouth water... She say "Rrrroowchh"

Otherwheres, Stretch has developed a monstrous crush on Joan Burton. I try to imagine having the sex with her, but it always ends up in a violent beating, for me. She so hot, she makes Stretch nipples erect, but then she beat me and me go all floppy nipples. When she draw my bath, first the shampoo, then the waterboarding. She like, me gurgle… At her most lusty she scream “take that Vincent,” at me until I relent! and purse my lips

A political powerhouse, a powerful house of politics, a wagon of working class socialism, a purveyor of passionpolitics, a reason to lock your doors at night… a gaggle of gombeenism… a cradle of filth… a hairdo of hell… a mouth of fishwives… always dressed in red…always dyed red.. as righteous as Rasputin… ahh ahhh ahhhhhh leave me alone Joan. The bruises just wont go away…

What to do? What would you do?

Stretch Songs of Joy 2010 parto uno:damnation

Stretch here…again…sick, sick, sick, y’know how sick I am? I’m in bed with me sistah! (Thanks Fast Show)

It hasn’t stop snowing in 14months…This littul munki has been suffering influenza for 6 of those months, the Irlanda Government borrowed all the money on earth and forgot to pay it back. Little Squishy at one year, already has accrued debts thanks to the banky people and if people really think the Rubberbandits are going to cheer up the country, then people are fucked.

Look into my eye! I am not an Ewok!

Anyway, what happened in music this year?…Miley Cyrus researched a duet with Cypress Hill, by taking a hit from a bong, all the while recording it for posterity. Cynically, it ended up on Utub and Daddy Warbucks was disappointed. How disappointed? Well, he took his shiny belt off and our Miley sure knows what that means…Bonio had back problems which stopped him performing at onshore corporate rock site Glastonbury. Disappointed hippies had to make do with Stevie Wonder who slagged off Bonio saying that having no eyes didn’t stop him from performing…In Irlanda, the annual faction fighting festival, Oxegen, caused JowwwwDufeeee to peel his translucent skin off as stories of gang rape, stabbings, genocide, moider, people catching their death, casual racism and Eminem latest moanings were transmitted through the airwaves to the unemployed, the old and ne’erdowells who all got outraged for an hour and a half, then went back to reality…Finally, many Irlanda people lately have lined up to defecate on Gerry Ryan’s grave…the dead radio star’s penchant for coke seems to be more newsworthy than the rape of the Irlanda by men in white shirts. Miley Cyrus be aware!

Shit Robot – Take em up

Marcus Lambkin makes house music that sounds like eighties music which sounds like the future. It’s very cool and the vibe makes Stretch feel like dancing and I is not even at a wedding. At a wedding, the practice of dancing and holding a full pint of Smithwicks is a necessity. Putting the pint over a friend’s shoulder while screaming “New York! New York!” is another necessity. Waking up naked in the shower covered in vomit and flowers is not a necessity, but can happen, just that once.

Unkle – Natural Selection

I like this song…that’s it really. Nah, a band that grabbed my attention when I saw them at Electric Plink Plink. Wasn’t expecting much but got milled with loads more. The song concerns the need to find the “right one for me.” An interesting idea, if it truly exists. She is there, then she’s not, then she is, then she’s not…frankly, it’s probably meaningless. Still, this year Stretch hovered on the brink of utter out and out madness. In 2011, I will replace the word “hover” with the word “teeter,” until one day, I will just stand nearby making smart comments about the stupid brink.

The Fall – Bury! Pts 2&4

A lot of kids around my area seemed to have got prams for Christmas. I hope this is the case, coz a lot of the fat ones ain’t fat no more.The Fall, the Fall, the Fall… At that festival I have mentioned, Mark E.Smith apparently screamed at those Scottish lads, Mumford and Sons…Here’s what the Big E said “”We were playing a festival in Dublin the other week. There was this other group, like, warming up in the next sort of chalet, and they were terrible. I said, ‘Shut them cunts up!’ And they were still warming up, so I threw a bottle at them. The band said, ‘That’s the Sons of Mumford’ or something. ‘They’re number five in charts!’ I just thought they were a load of retarded Irish folk singers.”

Anyway, the Fall gave the best gig of the year at Tripod (according to Stretch taste) and their latest album, Your future Our Clutter is as good as anything they’ve done. Buy it and keep him in fags!

Underworld – Scribble

The award for the happiest song of the year goes to this. It is impossible not to throw your hands up in the air everytime he sings “And it’s okayayay,” unless you are John McCain, coz that’s just not going to happen… A good comeback album and a great gig in Dubalin sees them bringing back the nineties to those of us who haven’t left them yet. I was watching that thing about Live Aid last night and it made me think how awful the second one was… There aren’t enough threats in the world these days to cause Duran Duran albums.

Bonobo – Kiara

Winner of many awards and just the coolest fucker on the planet at any one time, this is the opener to Black Sands which continues Bonobo’s exponential growth. I know it’s an idealistic view, but if more people encourage their kids to listen to Bonobo and turn off the aul Xfactah, then the future will be bright and Simon Cowell will melt. This won’t happen, because there is always another cover version to do.Vote for the right Simon!

Right, that’s the first, more to come eventually, if I can get my shit together. Now, I’m going to see if rum really cures influenza

Gig reviews/Lieslieslies

So! Missed all the gigs this weekend due to the fact that this country can’t handle weather or economics… bbuuttt here’s some reviews anyway done kinda like a Haiku. but not really…Why? Coz I must

Underworld……bangin

Shit Robot…..spankin

We are Scientists…..Edgy

Wedding Present…..Gedgy

Fight like Apes…..Munki

WASP…..Spunki

Still there was one unexpected positive this weekend. Answers on a postcard if you know what that was. The prize will be some dip…

Dip colour may vary

irina palm offkilter/tubridy uncomfortable around children shock…yeah righty

That was a nice movie, kinda… Stretch’s multimedia aspect wll be back soon.

After missing the Wedding present tonight, I will venture forth to Fight Like Apes, missing WASP and Underworld in the process. Buses or booses like my friend usedta say. He wont be offended. He can’t read. It’s odd coz although FLAps are a teenager’s band, I do enjoy their pithy, charming lyrics and their singer’s Siouxiesque perform. Oh listen to me. Up myself totally. CulturefuckingShowesqueeee. I’m changing my name to Hermione MacGibbon. The Underworld gig will be interesting for having such quality support. Shit Robot is great and should get the kudos.

Peep Show brought back some uncomfortable truths. I drank an awful amount of tea and ate a lot of toast. Weird. There’s dry ice in my brain and hairspray in my heart and some rum at the end of my chin.

STRETCH SONGS OF JOY 2009 Part Un (of trois, Je suis desolee)

Stretch to the music AGAIN!

I will not do my favourite albums from the last decade, BECAUSE who gives a shit what I liked when I was

I hates Stretch Macgibbon. I am not schizophrenic and my head is not...well maybe my head is huge but...

on super drugs in 2001, or during my Taoist phase in 2003, or my bisexual week in 2006 when I bought every Sheep on Drugs album I could find, but then went back to tha LAYDEES? No one. So why would you be interested in Stretch Songs of Joy 2009? Well, because it’s fucking deadly!

2009 was all over the place. Major ups, horrible lows and the usual middling feeling that has kept the centre of Irlandia mired in a wet bog since the dark ages. A premonition of a wondAful new decade happened the other night. Stretch foresees Ups lows and that usual middling feeling. Hmmm, no change there then.

Anyway, here is the first five songs I did like last year. Gargantuan-headed slut Miley

Cyrus and Susan

Boyle’s wet dream, Michael Buble, didn’t make the cut this year. Lady (I did not rob my ting from Roisin) Gaga’s ridiculous outfits failed to draw away from her ridiculous voice, so she also missed out. Pensioners U2 released their “we don’t care if the fans don’t like it, we love our new sound” album No Line on the Horizon. Stretch predicts they may return out of their assholes with a huge album with the old sound ON IT very soon. I tried to find room for Fleet Foxes, but would have had to shave off all their hair, and as we know, it is impossible to make indie music these days without unkempt beards and brown cordurouy.

First up

The Black Dog – Tunnels Ov Set (Autechre Remix)

AsĀ  we all know, Autechre have fans who like the beautiful sounds heard on the albums, Amber and Incunabula. Others love the carefully constructed manicness of Gantz Graf and Untilted. Most go, “who are Autechre?” These people are many and all around us. Still, this gem of a mix was released this year and I find myself compelled to play it loud in front of visiting priests or social workers, if only to take their minds off the evil that lurks within. YOU NEEDS TO PLAY IT LOUD. THEN STAB THE PRIEST IN THE HEART WITH A MELON-BALLER AND SLIT THE SOCIAL’S THROAT (NOT THROATH) WITH THEIR CLIPBOARD. Leftover cake can be wrapped up and donated to the deceased’s famly. Phew..

W.A.S.P. – Crazy

It is only when Blackie Lawless is staring at you from the stage, with a look that says, “I’m going to fuck you, you little monkey,” that you realise the power of this 97 year old woman. This is probably the catchiest song I have heard in a long time, and the former New York Doll really seems to have the appetite for it again. The wild sold-out show in Dublin recently seemed to surprise the younger members of his band, who were wringing their hankies all through the set. A song very close to Stretch’s heart because of the bafflement I feel every morning!

Andrew Weatherall – A Pox on the Pioneers

After his exertions as DJ, producer and with his partner Keith Tenniswood in the brilliant Two Lone Swordsmen, it is hard to believe that A Pox on the Pioneers is Weatherall’s debut solo album. A seafaring odyssey, the first time I heard it I was kinda puzzled at the sound, but eventually grew to lust after this ska tinged, rockabilly product with an oddly new romantic feel. Now there’s a mouthful. (Insert Tiger Woods joke here)

It also contains the best lyric this year for a chorus “To hell with all those lost at sea, fuck the folk on the wild frontiers, to hell with them eternally, and a pox on all the pioneers” That should win an award on its own. Kudos dudo.

Bonobo – The Keeper featuring Andreya Triana

Now for something to listen to while contemplating the mess you made of your life while eating your cornflakes. Another slice of Bonobo magic. I presume Simon Green gets down sometimes, locks himself in the box room, draws blood, smears it all over the mocha-painted walls and screams out the whole of Slayer’s Reign in Blood, while ringing people he went to school with to tell them how much he hated their haircuts and attempts at sarcasm. But in general, he creates music that is chilled and uplifting, which is lucky for the person who has to paint the box room every six months. His new album, called I will kill your granny with my big shiny axe, while stuffing her rabbit!, is out next year on Ninja Tunes.

Shit Robot – Simple Things (Work It Out)

I love this song. It just goes on and on and makes Stretch all happy! Shit Robot is Marcus Lambkin and he’s from International dipshit Damien Dempsey’s lair Dubalin towin (surely it should be Shite Robot then). After realising the limitations of Dubalin, he went all traitor and fucked off to New York which is why I am probably talking about him now. With Nation of Ulysees punk dude on vocals, Ian Svenonius, this song just makes you wanna DAYANCE. Not like Kevin Bacon in the middle of a circle jerk or Tom Cruise in his underpants, but in your kitchen hosting a dinner party, with a meat cleaver in your hand laughing hysterically, but oh look, you haven’t seen the spilled chianti, you thrust forward with your hips, and are thrown at the table of guests, you cry “move the hummous, move the hummous” and the inevitable happens. Dinner party over.

Don’t like my bullshit, check out cool people’s lists on the best source of music that is BOOMKAT. You won’t find donkey-toothed marketing director Hannah Montana here, although she may be in disguise. Beware