Stretch’s Scary Halloween Songs No.14: SQURL – Funnel of Love


You want me to stare and remain impassive, right? (To self…be a vampire…be the best vampire ever…be pale)

Here’s the awesome opening segment from the wonderful “Only Lovers Left Alive.” A movie in which Tom Hiddleston’s inability to react to anything that’s going on actually helps his performance. A movie in which Tilda Swinton inability to be anything else but a vampire really helps. A movie in which John Hurt’s inability to be anything other than a sinister old man really helps.  Basically no one acts.

HiddleSwinton never really caught on though.

More junkie-chic vampires please. The soundtrack to this album creates an odd listening sensation, especially walking around your daily boring, ordinary human life (That’s right, I said it. Screw you humans). You actually become pale and blink less and get pissy at Taylor Swift posters. You walk, slowly trailing a bottle of Malbec behind you sneering at passersby. Eyeing up swans as a potential food source. Only the best for you. Crouching for no reason. Looking at beautiful people as possible eternity mates. A sort of non-goth goth. Add a flouncy shirt and you’re away. Basically, you become a pretentious dick.

Try it though. It’s fun. Better than what you were going to do.

Cat Men Do: Mastodon are down the tow-in!


This week, the munki will be returning to the theatre which evicted his munki ass at a Rollins band gig twenty years ago. To this day I proclaim my innocence and despite campaigns and endorsements from such artists as Taylor Swift, Chris Martin and Yehoooodiiimenuanananana, I remain ignored. A great injustice was done that day when I landed on my furry ass on the pavements of Dubalin town. The night ended predictably with myself and a homeless waxing lyrical on the state of this flawed nation.

So, friday night the huge beasts Mastodon will roll into tow-in. Four men who have provoked many, many meaningless and boring debates about what genre they fit into.

They are clearly proboscideans. Any paleobiologist will tell you that, however, paleobiologists are known to be loners, especially when out together. They are known to occupy separate tables, yet order the same brand of beer, due to the institutional competition that occurs with most scientificos. It is not unknown for fights to break out between these brainiacs. Two distinct groups tend to be involved in the fighting: one side have the word ‘Mammut’ tattooed on the backs of their neck, the others have it written on their canvas schoolbags in permanent marker. So, no, not any paleobiologist will tell you that they are clearly proboscideans.

The gig is on friday night and this munki will be sweaty!!