Stretch Songs of Joy 2010 parto uno:damnation

Stretch here…again…sick, sick, sick, y’know how sick I am? I’m in bed with me sistah! (Thanks Fast Show)

It hasn’t stop snowing in 14months…This littul munki has been suffering influenza for 6 of those months, the Irlanda Government borrowed all the money on earth and forgot to pay it back. Little Squishy at one year, already has accrued debts thanks to the banky people and if people really think the Rubberbandits are going to cheer up the country, then people are fucked.

Look into my eye! I am not an Ewok!

Anyway, what happened in music this year?…Miley Cyrus researched a duet with Cypress Hill, by taking a hit from a bong, all the while recording it for posterity. Cynically, it ended up on Utub and Daddy Warbucks was disappointed. How disappointed? Well, he took his shiny belt off and our Miley sure knows what that means…Bonio had back problems which stopped him performing at onshore corporate rock site Glastonbury. Disappointed hippies had to make do with Stevie Wonder who slagged off Bonio saying that having no eyes didn’t stop him from performing…In Irlanda, the annual faction fighting festival, Oxegen, caused JowwwwDufeeee to peel his translucent skin off as stories of gang rape, stabbings, genocide, moider, people catching their death, casual racism and Eminem latest moanings were transmitted through the airwaves to the unemployed, the old and ne’erdowells who all got outraged for an hour and a half, then went back to reality…Finally, many Irlanda people lately have lined up to defecate on Gerry Ryan’s grave…the dead radio star’s penchant for coke seems to be more newsworthy than the rape of the Irlanda by men in white shirts. Miley Cyrus be aware!

Shit Robot – Take em up

Marcus Lambkin makes house music that sounds like eighties music which sounds like the future. It’s very cool and the vibe makes Stretch feel like dancing and I is not even at a wedding. At a wedding, the practice of dancing and holding a full pint of Smithwicks is a necessity. Putting the pint over a friend’s shoulder while screaming “New York! New York!” is another necessity. Waking up naked in the shower covered in vomit and flowers is not a necessity, but can happen, just that once.

Unkle – Natural Selection

I like this song…that’s it really. Nah, a band that grabbed my attention when I saw them at Electric Plink Plink. Wasn’t expecting much but got milled with loads more. The song concerns the need to find the “right one for me.” An interesting idea, if it truly exists. She is there, then she’s not, then she is, then she’s not…frankly, it’s probably meaningless. Still, this year Stretch hovered on the brink of utter out and out madness. In 2011, I will replace the word “hover” with the word “teeter,” until one day, I will just stand nearby making smart comments about the stupid brink.

The Fall – Bury! Pts 2&4

A lot of kids around my area seemed to have got prams for Christmas. I hope this is the case, coz a lot of the fat ones ain’t fat no more.The Fall, the Fall, the Fall… At that festival I have mentioned, Mark E.Smith apparently screamed at those Scottish lads, Mumford and Sons…Here’s what the Big E said “”We were playing a festival in Dublin the other week. There was this other group, like, warming up in the next sort of chalet, and they were terrible. I said, ‘Shut them cunts up!’ And they were still warming up, so I threw a bottle at them. The band said, ‘That’s the Sons of Mumford’ or something. ‘They’re number five in charts!’ I just thought they were a load of retarded Irish folk singers.”

Anyway, the Fall gave the best gig of the year at Tripod (according to Stretch taste) and their latest album, Your future Our Clutter is as good as anything they’ve done. Buy it and keep him in fags!

Underworld – Scribble

The award for the happiest song of the year goes to this. It is impossible not to throw your hands up in the air everytime he sings “And it’s okayayay,” unless you are John McCain, coz that’s just not going to happen… A good comeback album and a great gig in Dubalin sees them bringing back the nineties to those of us who haven’t left them yet. I was watching that thing about Live Aid last night and it made me think how awful the second one was… There aren’t enough threats in the world these days to cause Duran Duran albums.

Bonobo – Kiara

Winner of many awards and just the coolest fucker on the planet at any one time, this is the opener to Black Sands which continues Bonobo’s exponential growth. I know it’s an idealistic view, but if more people encourage their kids to listen to Bonobo and turn off the aul Xfactah, then the future will be bright and Simon Cowell will melt. This won’t happen, because there is always another cover version to do.Vote for the right Simon!

Right, that’s the first, more to come eventually, if I can get my shit together. Now, I’m going to see if rum really cures influenza

Friday Shmiday

Search engine term of the day: Santas Stretching
You freaks. Anyway, this may cheer me up…


Stretchcast Volume 2: Cheep cheep seated hatred/Snow means Snow

Stretch again and again and again…

So, a fairly rushed number deux. Still, it’s loud, uplifting, downlifting and slightly treacherous, poignant and obnoxious. Just like me. Anyway, a special Christmas one coming soon. Now, Stretch will re-enter real life where he is not welcome. Flump!

INTRO: Ivor Slaney – Easy Prey (Terror/Prey) 2. PVT – Window (Church with No Magic) 3. Various Productions – Maskmen (Maskmen EP) 4. Selfish Cunt – Feel like a woman (English Chamber Music) 5. Meat Beat Manifesto – Acid Again (Actial Sounds and Voices) 6. Modeselektor – In loving memory (Hello Mom!) 7. New Order – The Him (Movement) 8. Prolapse – Bruxelles (The Italian Flag) 9. Bonobo feat Andreya Triana – Stay the Same (Black Sands) 10. Underworld – Scribble (Barking) 11. Anti Pop Consortium – Volcano: Four Tet Remix (Volcano EP). 12. Roots Manuva – Again and Again (Slime and Reason) 13. Negativeland – Over the Hiccups (Escape from Noise) 14. Jaga Jazzist – Oslo Skyline (What We Must)

Increase Volume for Number 14. Downloadable (Click arrow on side of Soundcloud yokey)

No ChikChok! It is my turn to listen to the Stretch MacGibbon Stretchcast Number Deux

Gig reviews/Lieslieslies

So! Missed all the gigs this weekend due to the fact that this country can’t handle weather or economics… bbuuttt here’s some reviews anyway done kinda like a Haiku. but not really…Why? Coz I must

Underworld……bangin

Shit Robot…..spankin

We are Scientists…..Edgy

Wedding Present…..Gedgy

Fight like Apes…..Munki

WASP…..Spunki

Still there was one unexpected positive this weekend. Answers on a postcard if you know what that was. The prize will be some dip…

Dip colour may vary

irina palm offkilter/tubridy uncomfortable around children shock…yeah righty

That was a nice movie, kinda… Stretch’s multimedia aspect wll be back soon.

After missing the Wedding present tonight, I will venture forth to Fight Like Apes, missing WASP and Underworld in the process. Buses or booses like my friend usedta say. He wont be offended. He can’t read. It’s odd coz although FLAps are a teenager’s band, I do enjoy their pithy, charming lyrics and their singer’s Siouxiesque perform. Oh listen to me. Up myself totally. CulturefuckingShowesqueeee. I’m changing my name to Hermione MacGibbon. The Underworld gig will be interesting for having such quality support. Shit Robot is great and should get the kudos.

Peep Show brought back some uncomfortable truths. I drank an awful amount of tea and ate a lot of toast. Weird. There’s dry ice in my brain and hairspray in my heart and some rum at the end of my chin.

if in doubt…REZ

I need to go back to this point…and make a few alterations. Then we’ll see.

Come fly with me…………………and some vodka